November 19, 1997 was one of the saddest days of my life.
We buried my Mother on that day. I was ok with her passing but I was not ok with burying her. There’s something so final, so somber about funerals.
I could not stop crying the day of my Mother’s funeral. That is not like me. I just could not stop crying.
I was experiencing a grief that I never knew before and in the depth of my soul I was painfully learning that grief is not a one size fits all.
I felt misunderstood by at least one person I was very close with.
I felt understood by someone I was not close with. That was Uncle Lloyd. He wasn’t my Uncle. He was Robbin’s Uncle.
I had stepped out of the room with the casket to try to pull myself together. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do. I wanted to jump out of my own skin.
I saw a doorway to a room so I stepped in. There sat Uncle Lloyd. He motioned to me to sit in the chair next to him. That was it. His presence spoke volumes. I felt understood, loved and accepted. Uncle Lloyd didn’t say a word.
My mother wanted my two youngest kids, Josh and Abby to remember her alive and well. Not sick in a hospital and not lifeless in a casket.
It was hard for me to keep Josh and Abby away but I chose to honor what my Mother asked of me. It wasn’t about what I wanted or what someone else may have thought should be. It was about honoring my Mother.
As I expressed earlier, I was ok with her passing but I was not ok with burying her.
My Mother passed at night on November 15th. I was with her as she exhaled for the last time. I felt her heart stop. It was a glorious moment for me. It felt like time stood still to receive my Mother.
I often say, “I don’t know which is greatest, to have given birth to my children or to have been with my Mother in her passing.”
I believe that she was leaving the pain and suffering of life on planet earth and she was going to a place where there is no pain or suffering.
She was a funny lady. She could find humor anywhere! She would elbow jab me, point at a stranger doing something that she thought would be of interest to the two of us and we would instantly go into gut wrenching laughter.
She didn’t have a prejudiced bone in her body. She loved people and she loved life. Being taught that has served me well. I am eternally grateful.
I choose to believe that my Mother is with my Father, dancing and socializing in a place I call Heaven.
