If you have been having trouble sleeping, even when you’re completely exhausted, you are not alone.
Many people struggle with falling asleep or staying asleep, especially when their mind won’t turn off at night. It just keeps going on and on, circle after circle, rabbit hole after rabbit hole, etc. That alone is exhausting, but it does not lead to sleep.
It can feel frustrating, and sometimes even confusing. Your body is tired. You’ve made it through the day. But as soon as your head hits the pillow, your thoughts begin to rapidly move. For many people, nighttime is when everything gets louder.
Thoughts that you were trying to silence all day begin to rise to the surface. Conversations replay. To-do lists reappear. Questions you didn’t have time to think about suddenly feel important. (So annoying.) It’s not because something is wrong, but because your system is finally slowing down enough to notice what’s been there all day.
Why Your Mind Doesn’t Just “Turn Off”
There’s a common belief that sleep should be simple. That if you’re tired enough, your body will just fall asleep. Don’t we wish?! But unfortunately, sleep doesn’t work that way for most people.
When your nervous system has been “on” throughout the day, it doesn’t instantly switch off just because you got into bed. Your body is probably still carrying a level of alertness. You know, it’s like a part of you is still “on the job” or still carting the kids from here to there, cooking, dinner, cleaning the house, laundry, etc. Even even when you’re physically exhausted. (So annoying.) And when that happens, the mind often follows.
You might notice your thoughts looping and looping. Planning. Replaying. Trying to solve things. It can feel like your mind is the problem, but in many cases, it’s your body still operating from a state of activation. In that state, the brain is oriented toward being busy because it’s acting like it is still “on the job”.
The More You Try, The More Awake You Feel
One of the most frustrating parts of this experience is how effort seems to backfire. You try to make yourself sleep. You try to quiet your thoughts. You try to force relaxation. And often, the more you try, yep, the more awake you feel. That’s not a failure on your part. It’s simply how the nervous system works.
Sleep isn’t something we can force. If we could we would all be snoozing away. It’s something that begins to happen when the mind and the body no longer feel the need to stay on alert or on the job so to speak.
A Different Way to Understand What’s Happening
Sometimes it can be helpful to gently shift the question from, “Why can’t I sleep?” to “What state is my body in right now?”. Not as something to fix, but simply to notice. It’s becoming aware in a good way.
You may begin to become aware that your body does feels a little “on.” Not in a dramatic way, but just enough that it hasn’t fully moved into rest. And in that awareness, something often begins to change. Because when you stop trying to force sleep and instead begin to support yourself in transitioning toward a quieter state, well then sleep has a way of following more naturally.
Supporting the Transition into Sleep
There are small, simple ways we can begin supporting this shift. Like maybe not watching something stimulating (or scary) on TV, or not listening to a stimulating podcast shortly before bedtime. Seriously consider giving your mind less to process as you transition into the night. A sticky note on the device may be helpful in the beginning.
Some people benefit from giving their mind something to occupy it with, like listening to a guided Yoga Nidra meditation or a hypnosis recording. Not with the goal of “falling asleep,” but simply to unwind into a calmer, more restful way of feeling.
When your focus moves away from trying to sleep to simply resting, your energy can begin to shift. Rest is very valuable and often, it’s the open door to sleep.
I remember my mother saying to me, “Just rest in your bed, Jo.” Her concern was probably more about me not being in her hair (very old expression) than me getting rest. But truth be known, to this day I will tell myself the very thing my mother told me. You may wonder why?! Because “just resting” does have tremendous benefits.
Where This Connects to Deeper Change
This pattern doesn’t only show up at night. Many people who struggle with sleep also notice overthinking during the day. A sense of mental fatigue. Or feeling like it’s hard to fully “turn off.” (Realistically speaking, the brain does not “turn off”.)
That’s why approaches that work with the nervous system can be so helpful. Hypnosis and Yoga Nidra both guide the mind and the body into a relaxed state where the mind and the body can naturally release and relax…release and relax…release and relax. That’s something our innate intelligence does; no effort, no trying on our part, just follow the guiding voice.
Occupying the mind with a calm soothing voice creates the conditions where your system can begin to shift on its own. The real beauty of this is that new neural pathways are formed and each time you go to sleep in this way the pathways become stronger. Through repetition your mind and your body remember this new pattern, this new habit. How does this work?! We are creatures of habit, and we can have many good habits too.
This Isn’t About Doing It Wrong
If sleep has been a struggle, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It may simply be that your system has been carrying more than it’s had space to process. And in that case, the answer isn’t more effort, but a different kind of support.
If you’re in the Milford, CT area, or would prefer to meet over Zoom, please feel free to reach out if you’re curious about this approach.
I offer a complimentary phone conversation so you can ask questions, learn what to expect, and understand how we work together in sessions.
You don’t have to go it alone…
Call me (Joann Dunsing) @ 203-907-7710 for your complimentary phone conversation. Or click the button below. I usually respond within 24 hours. I see clients in the mornings, afternoons, evenings and I’m in the office on Saturdays.
